My name is My Midnight Heart and I’m a Bristol-based, New York-bred avant-pop artist. I wrote my new single “anew” when I was pregnant with my second child. As a working artist, I found motherhood incredibly difficult with my first child. I think I envisioned recording and writing music with my baby strapped in a carrier and loving life. I figured I’d just take her on tour with me while she watched me onstage adoringly.
But babies have their own personalities.They have their own ideas and opinions, they just have limited means to express them at first. Maybe it seems obvious but my kid didn’t want to do everything I wanted to do, even as a baby. And I just found it hard because music is such an external career.
Not just performing but even just constantly allowing yourself to be explore and be inspired. I largely took for granted the access to shows, exhibits, and just doing things whenever suited me instead of being on someone else’s schedule.
So now I’ve adopted a much more gestural attitude to creating music and letting myself be open to inspiration in whatever shape that may take. I find myself using found sounds more: finding music in the rhythm of my breast pump or the gurgle of a tap left on.
There’s sound in everything and allowing myself to see the beauty in that has really opened my process up. I’ve been making more instruments out of my voice and which is how the synthesizer for “anew”. Using my own voice instead of stock sounds has allowed me to better control “my” sound and shape my work into something instantly recognizable.
“anew” was created in that spirit of discovering and using the symphony all around me. I processed my voice in probably 50 different ways in the track honestly because it was quicker than hunting for sounds and it gave a sort of cohesion in my music production.
My vocals and exploring all their nuances have become a mainstay of my music production. It allows me to quickly create and explore my own, unique world without being bogged down by all the variables and options.
I made the synths sounds for “anew” using the Granulator in Ableton Live. By heavily processing the sound of my voice, I was able to transform it into something that sounded icy, haunting, and beautiful. Once I had that sound the rest of the song sort of just fell into place. I sampled my 707 drum machine and processed it to be almost unrecognizable in Ableton as well and that gave the track a lot of movement.
Finally I came up with the bass line which is honestly the part I dread the most because it’s not something that comes naturally to me. I have a lot of samples and bass sounds I adore and was able to pull one up that just glued the song together and gave it momentum. Then the lyrics just started pouring out of me.
I was excited to have another child but incredibly, incredibly nervous and reluctant to give up any of my newfound freedom. The song really embodies that tug of war between expectation and apprehension. For this song, I really allowed myself to enter a speculative space where I could give of myself willingly. In a way it became therapeutic; a sort of pep talk to myself.
Self-producing my music has given me so much freedom over the sound of my work, but I easily and often fall down the rabbit hole without a production partner when I’m editing or experimenting. I use how I’m feeling as I work as a realtime barometer of where my head’s at. If I’m feeling frustrated and banging my head against the wall, I’m probably not going to make my best work.
So I bounce out the idea and take a break from it to give myself some mental space and perspective. I guess motherhood has contributed to that as well because a lot of times I’m forced to take a break from my work. My kids like when I play my music through my phone or the speakers in the kitchen and it also allows me to listen with fresh ears and see things from a different angle.
I feel like I used to waste a ton of time torturing myself trying to find the right sounds or the perfect transition. Now I’m working on following my bliss, and being content with “good enough” instead of perfect. That 5% that probably no one but me will ever hear isn’t worth my sacrificing my mental health over.
Watch the video for “anew” below and stream it everywhere else here.
Word by My Midnight Heart // Follow her on Instagram
