My name is Xana and I wrote “My Therapist Told Me” almost 3 years ago. I really wanted to write a song revolving around the line “she said weʼre just friends”, because I was in this on-again-off-again relationship that was umbrellaʼd by those words. So when it was over, it never really felt over.
I literally started going to therapy because I couldn’t move on and it was getting annoying. I remember saying in our first session “Iʼm here because I need to get over her. It’s been so long, this is just embarrassing”, and she asked me “well, do you want to get over her?” and I laughed and said no.
I probably wrote 5 different versions until I found the one that captured exactly what I was feeling; the frustration, the intoxication, the jealousy, the pleasure, the exhaustion. I wanted to wrap all my big messy feelings into one little song with a perfect bratty bow.
And I also love how there is a sexiness hidden in there too. Well, I guess itʼs not very hidden. One of the first lines is “She said she thinks about me when sheʼs touching herself”. I bet when she said it, she never thought I would put it in a song. Oops.
But I really wanted to call her out and say “no, weʼre not just friends, weʼre in love with each other but youʼre too stubborn to really do anything about it”. For a long time I excused her actions that left me gutted, but hollow forgiveness doesn’t make someone love you.
I think I wrote this song because I wanted to corner her into taking some responsibility. Like “I know Iʼm the one in therapy right now but I’m not crazy. This mess took two, and it took a lot of you”. Although I do a lot of finger pointing in “My Therapist Told Me”, half the time I’m pointing them at me too. I was taking responsibility, begrudgingly. I knew I deserved a better situation, but I didn’t want that. I wanted her.
So, I wrote “My Therapist Told Me” and the process was a little different than most other songs Iʼve written. I knew exactly how I wanted the music to sound, I could hear it clearly in my head but my instrumental skills fell a little short for this one. So instead of writing along with piano or guitar like I usually do, I wrote it completely acapella accompanied by the noise in my head, and just prayed that it would work.
Then one day I sang it for my producers, Liam Moes and Shane Stephenson, and said “okay, so, that but pop punk!” Luckily by then, we had been working together long enough that they somehow knew exactly what I was going for. We used inspirations from bands we loved when we were younger, like Paramore, Fall Out Boy, and Avril Lavigne, and created this really fun, slightly nostalgic, incredibly bratty banger.
I love electric guitars, the dirtier the better in my opinion, so we saturated the song with guitars and drums. Another one of my favorite parts was recording the gang vocals. Thereʼs something about screaming “I hate to think about you with girls who donʼt love you like I did” with a room full of friends that just hits different.
I wanted anyone who listened to this song to want to start thrashing their bodies and screaming their lungs dry, and theres no better way to do that than some good old fashion gang vocals. At one point we needed some more fem gang vocals, so my cousin and I had a couple drinks and set up a makeshift vocal booth in my bedroom. We screamed the lyrics in every goofy fashion we could think. I believe there was more laughter than actual decent takes.
Writing and producing “My Therapist Told Me” was a very therapeutic and celebratory process, it felt like the beginning of that particular ending. It feels fun and lighthearted to listen back to that song now that Iʼm out of that place, I can enjoy it fully without the bitterness. And I admire how honest and blunt I was with my confessions and frustrations. Sometimes the simple creation of a song can help to take the edge off.
To whoever listens to this song, I want you to know that if your friends, mother and therapist are all telling you to drop someone, you should probably drop them. But I also know you arenʼt going to listen to them until youʼre ready, and that’s okay, but if someone is being rude to your heart, call them out, donʼt let it be glossed over & I hope you have it in you to find something better. Someone who isnʼt afraid to call it was it is.
Listen to “My Therapist Told Me” below and find out my upcoming debut album here.
